Behaviour Modification vs Inner Transformation

When I was in Form 1, I was a really mischievous student in the class and school. I was influenced by my classmates who were gangsters. They were involved in negative activities. For example, smoking, glue sniffing, truancy, using filthy language, fighting and so on. Therefore, I indulged in smoking because I thought off showing off, to be a “Tai lo”.

Then, when I was in Form 2, my attitude and behavior started to change. I disobeyed my parents by going out with my friends and staying at my friend’s place until the middle of the night. One of the days in school, I had a very hot temper. I didn’t like anyone to disturb me at all but my form teacher, Puan Heng; she scolded me for not doing her school work. I started to rebel and shouted at her with bad words. She was really hurt and asked the school’s afternoon supervisor, Puan Wong to settle the issue with me. I was caned and wasn’t allowed to go to school for a week. That situation made me even naughtier than before.

When I stepped into Form 3, I told myself that there is still 10 more months before I sit for my PMR exam. During that time, I didn’t study hard and my time in school was just a waste. For instance, I slept in class. Sometimes I would smoke and gamble with my friends. These things carried on until the month of November – the month I sat for the exam. After the PMR results were released, I had no A’s but a lot of E’s. I felt ashamed and embarrassed.

I was discouraged when I was posted to the last two classes – 4H in Form Four. However, I was alone in the class. My gang wasn’t with me because they have been posted to a better classes. I was surprised when I got 100 marks for my Moral monthly test. At that very point of time, it encouraged me to study hard. So, I made a commitment to study hard for my SPM. Since then until Form Five, I would always get first in class. Although I got first place in class, it doesn’t satisfy me. I used my own strength to study and even caused me to fall sick for a whole week. But, I thank God He sent a Christian teacher, Mr. Cheli (My Pastor In Kuching) who was willing to humble himself by giving my classmates some money to buy me some fruits. I was really touched and encouraged by that, but I did not have an opportunity to know Christ then. I kept struggling with my own strength to sit for my SPM exam, and the results were quite good. I had the opportunity to study Form Six.

When I was in Lower Six, I had some struggles in my relationship with some of my classmates. One Friday, I held a meeting with other clubs’ boards of directors and one of the girls in the meeting is a Christian. She asked me to discuss the agenda with her but I wasn’t willing. I was very angry and shouted at her with foul languages at the end of the meeting. It was a really bad experience for me because I felt that I have changed. But it was just an outside change. I was shocked that I suddenly burst out bad words. I really did not want that to happen. But, thank God that I received Jesus Christ as my personal Lord and Savior in the Inter School Christian Fellowship) ISCF meeting in school on the same day. I really wanted changing to take place in my life. I wanted my life to grow strong. Then, I started to know God more and more. Praise the Lord that He has changed my life from step to step during my time in Upper Six. Though Form Six was difficult, but I felt the love, peace and joy of God in my life. From these, I learnt to trust God more and more and believe Him at all times. I thank God that I have a cell group in Church.

When my STPM exam was approaching, we always get together and pray. We prayed that whatever questions we study will come out (that doesn’t mean we only study the spotted questions but we have studied all our text books and others materials) because we believe that we are God’s children and that He will show His grace and favor upon us. Praise God that He has blessed me in my exam. Even when the result hasn’t been revealed, I already knew that God will give me straight A’s in my STPM. Thank God, Hallelujah, it really happened that on the 26th of February, I got straight A’s in my STPM exam. Glory to Abba!